Prob a shock to see me post on here as I haven't in quite sometime.Reasons are personal for this but I'm happy to share.
Been having a hard time with health issues lately both physical and mentally.
5 months ago I found a grape sized lump under my armpit and since things just spiralled out of control.Everyone knows the concern over finding lumps especially in them sort of areas.I was in and out of hospital from then with pains in armpits, burning sensations and sever stomach neasua and pain.had c.f. scan of stomach which was clear,numeros x-rays of chest which where clear and also an ultrasound of the lump and biopsy.Turned out they told me at the scan I had two reactive lymph nodes and hearing this scared the shit of me.all that has been going through my mind has been the possibility of losing my wife and two kids with me being only 33 years old.The biopsy came back that there where two nodes but both showed no signs of malignancy.The wait for 5 weeks for these results was devastating to me and even then when I got the results you would think that this would put my mind at rest but it didn't and hasn't.iv been constantly going over shit like "what if this happens and what if that happens".All this happened and it has happened to the point of causing me physical health symptoms through chronic anxiety and also causing depression.I have been in and out of hospital on many occasions with so many pain symptoms and all caused by chronic anxiety.
Two weeks ago I tried to take my own life because my depression and anxiety was having such affect on my wife and kids,I felt like I was a burden to everyone.
I'm on my 4th week of CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) with a counsellor which is part of the steps to me trying to fix the broken person that I have become.
Iv been trying to get out more as I didn't move over my front door some days as well as being heavily fatigued which is still a problem frequently.
Damn I haven't played the Xbox consistently since it all started 5 months ago.
I'm at the point now where I need to try and change this as this was a big part of my life and pleasure.My boy has a few games that I have installed that I'm sure some of you all play so if I'm having a good day and don't feel like shit feel free to grab a game with me.
Here's to positivity and trying to take one day at a time.
JB
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