SPIDER IN MY ROOM!

[CAG CheechDogg]

So it is now 4:56 am and I just finished turning my room upside down looking for this fucking spider and no luck!

I am the biggest scary cat when it comes to spiders. I dusted, moved furniture and nothing! WTF did it go! So I wont be sleeping in my room today, or tonight until someone brings me the head of that SPIDER!

[gratefulDUBS]

you probably have already swallowed it.. nom nom nom nom

[KaptinZombie]

Awww poor chichi.Get a bug fogger and clear it out.

[MYtheDAMAJAH]

HaHaHa...that's funny. Don't trip though, cause I'm the same way. There was this one time when I was about to leave my house with my kids. I remember that I was irritated about something then. (most likely kids) But, my kids were already outside at the front door waiting for me. (probably hoping that an anvil would fall from the sky and end my huffing and puffing about nuffin) I just sat down on my porch to put my shoes on, then out of nowhere...THE BIGGEST GAWDDANG SPIDER IN THE WORLD. It was sitting there on my lap. I let out the loudest girl scream ever. AAAAAAAAAGH! I was jumping, swatting, and screaming. I damned near passed out. Then instantly, I realized that my kids were watching. Worried about showing my kids any sign of their dear old dad having a chink in his armor, I rapidly regained me composure. "Did you see that?" I asked. Trying their best not to laugh, they reply "NO.(chuckle chuckle)What was it? tehehe" "A big ass spider." I try to explain in my calmest voice "A spider. I think at was a Black Widow, or even a Brown Recluse." Along with my great fear of arachnids comes with a vast knowledge of the little bastards. So I begin to give in detail the consequences one may face after being bit by one. "The brown recluses' venom will deteriorate your flesh and poison the bloodstream.." my kids aren't impressed their chuckles begin laughs. "The black widow is one of North Americas' biggest backyard killers...."
Nolan, my eldest says "Dad's scared of spiders hahaha"
Rylee, being the follower joins in with, "Daddy, why are you scared...teheheheh"
I defend myself with what every good dad would say, "I just don't want any of you to get bit, honey." I felt that whatever the beast was, had escaped its size 9 demise.
"Come on, kids. We're going to be late."
"Dad, dontcha want to kill it."
"DO YOU SEE IT!"
Rylee points with her tiny finger towards my right foot, "It's right there! Kill it, daddy!"
Now maybe if she said it in a more relaxed posture, I wouldn't have reacted as I did following. Perhaps if I noticed the cute giggle she did at the end of KILL IT, then i might of picked up on the joke. But instead this happens.
I jump three feet into the air, run high speed back into the house.(I don't remeber even opening the door) Did I mention that I left my kids with the man eating monster.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
I turn to look outside through the screen door to see my kids rolling on the lawn holding thier stomachs in agony.
A childs' laughter should be the greatest sound in the world, and at most times I would advocate provoking this activity. In this case were my biggest fear is the butt of these kids humor, not today.
"What's so funny?!" I say in my firmest tone
"L-L-LLOO-LOOK on the porch..bwahahahahah" Nolan the lead comedian
"I-It-Its' SOOOO big...Hahahah" Rylee the cirque de so le pixie
The dad. The bread winner. The familys' great protector looks down to see his nemisis......A fucking leaf..Be it, a scary looking leaf, but a leaf non the less.
No words could undo my cowardice behavior. I must have went -20 on the cool chart. Most of all, Nolan and Rylee may never look at me the same way. The only thing that can help me regain my crown as King DAD is, "I knew that."
-Noli

[CAG CheechDogg]

Hhahaha Noli, those are fun times nevertheless. When kids laugh, it is the best thing in the world. So now I don't feel like such a wooz knowing that you are the same way. I have so many late night early morning times like last night that I could write a book of how and what I did for hours trying to find one fucking spider.

Good stuff though, glad you understand! haha