Can't That Gut Feeling To Go Away!!

[SECJay]

So reference to my last thread, I cannot get this gut feeling to go away that my girlfriend has fallen out off love with me ..
How many times can you go through life with heartache and heart breaks! I was going to build up the courage to propose to her as well, and I know she doesn't know that's my plan as I haven't got a ring yet and I haven't made any plans. I've asked her dad for his permission and he's given me the 'Nod' off approval but I just can't help that the relationship has reached it's course. I've done everything if not more that she's asked of me . I know this isn't really what CAG is all about but I can't vent my sadness on Facebook as I have some off her friends and her family on my Facebook, not by choice they added me and I accepted as she has my family on hers.. We aren't in each others shoes or whatever and I did ask if she wanted to stay up here for the month and that I come up on the Bank Holiday Monday (England) and stay till the 5th and we both go back to Norfolk on the 5th (where we both live).

We don't live with each other as I don't want to rush her and I think she's happy with that, as we both have our own places.. (both to which I pay the rent's on) as she asked me to help her out, I did ask if I was going above and beyond and if she wanted me to stop paying the rent on her property and she said no. (No she's not free loading) She doesn't get any support from this government for having twins and she doesn't get any money from anywhere else as she is unable to work due to having the twins 24/7 until they go to school.


Am I in the wrong??

[Gemini328]

No I don't think your in the wrong. But man, if you know you want to marry her you need to bust some ass to get that ring.

[SECJay]

Well I've seen a ring she will like as she is into pink - I've found a pink diamond 9carrot silver...

[Gemini328]

9 carrot? Jesus Christ you Rollin in the dough

[Azrael]

Holly fuck bro thats some serious dough!!! i got my wife one total of 3kt has a 2kt center and one .5kt on either side im still feeling the repercussions in my wallet lol

But hey man i will tell you this much you can not put a price on true love brother!

[Hobbit]

So reference to my last thread, I cannot get this gut feeling to go away that my girlfriend has fallen out off love with me ..
How many times can you go through life with heartache and heart breaks! I was going to build up the courage to propose to her as well, and I know she doesn't know that's my plan as I haven't got a ring yet and I haven't made any plans. I've asked her dad for his permission and he's given me the 'Nod' off approval but I just can't help that the relationship has reached it's course. I've done everything if not more that she's asked of me . I know this isn't really what CAG is all about but I can't vent my sadness on Facebook as I have some off her friends and her family on my Facebook, not by choice they added me and I accepted as she has my family on hers.. We aren't in each others shoes or whatever and I did ask if she wanted to stay up here for the month and that I come up on the Bank Holiday Monday (England) and stay till the 5th and we both go back to Norfolk on the 5th (where we both live).

We don't live with each other as I don't want to rush her and I think she's happy with that, as we both have our own places.. (both to which I pay the rent's on) as she asked me to help her out, I did ask if I was going above and beyond and if she wanted me to stop paying the rent on her property and she said no. (No she's not free loading) She doesn't get any support from this government for having twins and she doesn't get any money from anywhere else as she is unable to work due to having the twins 24/7 until they go to school.


Am I in the wrong??

To be frank, and I apologize in advance if I come off strong or hurt your feelings...

1. A ring MIGHT fix things... but only temporarily.
2. I understand you love her, but if things are rough before you get a chance to make it to engagement, that's a sign that it probably isn't for life.
3. I know. You did your time. She did too. You have a lot financially tied up in her. I know.
4. Might wanna let this one go. Cut ties, be friends, slowly cut back the financial help.
5. Kids. I know. Shit hurts. I know you're helping to support them, but they're a tied package... get momma, get the kids.
6. See #1.
7. Maybe try taking a break for a while and see if that helps... and by take a break I mean don't smother her. Let her have her space and take your own. Give it a few weeks or even 2 months... see where you're at.
8. See #1.
9. I know you're dead set on marrying this chick... stop and let your brain think for a few minutes and stop thinking with your heart... this isn't a movie. This isn't hollywood. This isn't a fairy tale... this is real life. Don't make a mistake you can't take back.

10. My wife and I recently talked about divorce... we had no issues before we got married, and really no issues up until about 2 years ago. The sad reality is that people "fall out of love" with each other. The real reality: love is a chemical reaction. Butterflies aren't meant to last. They're there to make you procreate. Same with fireworks. Shit doesn't last, even when you're married. Don't get me wrong... there are things she does that drive me up the wall with passion, and those butterflies and fireworks come back on strong and hard... but it's not an every day occurrence. The sad truth is that love is a choice. And worse... you both have to make it together. It can not be one sided or someone's going to get hurt... so bury the hatchet now, or try and marry this girl and deal with this same issue later down the road, getting even more hurt in the process (not saying that'll happen, but it IS a possibility).

Talk to her. Ask her what she wants. Your gut feeling isn't ALWAYS right. Sometimes we fuck up. I have a major inferiority/inadequacy complex myself. I know man. Trust me.

All that said, again... don't take this as me being a dick... take this as experience talking to your situation.

~CAG Hobbit
*the player formerly known as Shiv

[SECJay]

That's some sound advice Shiv - thanks buddy. We are due to leave tomorrow morning I haven't messaged her so far today and I haven't smothered her last night. I do want to marry her but i'm not going to ask her until I know where she is at, do you think I should say to her "I was thinking perhaps if you want you can stay up here longer and get some space away from each other and you can come home when you want?" I'm not financially tied to her and i'm not financially stable at a sense if you know what I mean - I've got a lot off money saved up and I've done a lot of O/T to help pay her rent. I've given her money for shopping and everything like that because I cannot see her or anyone for that matter live a crap life! for an example if I see a homeless person when i'm out on patrol I will go and get them something to eat/drink and everything like that - I will give it to them I do a lot of charity work as well for the homeless and for our serving men and women in the armed forces.. perhaps i'm to caring for my own good.. haha

[Hobbit]

That's some sound advice Shiv - thanks buddy. We are due to leave tomorrow morning I haven't messaged her so far today and I haven't smothered her last night. I do want to marry her but i'm not going to ask her until I know where she is at, do you think I should say to her "I was thinking perhaps if you want you can stay up here longer and get some space away from each other and you can come home when you want?" I'm not financially tied to her and i'm not financially stable at a sense if you know what I mean - I've got a lot off money saved up and I've done a lot of O/T to help pay her rent. I've given her money for shopping and everything like that because I cannot see her or anyone for that matter live a crap life! for an example if I see a homeless person when i'm out on patrol I will go and get them something to eat/drink and everything like that - I will give it to them I do a lot of charity work as well for the homeless and for our serving men and women in the armed forces.. perhaps i'm to caring for my own good.. haha

If it's a separation, yeah, uphold your obligations.... if you find out that things aren't going to get better or that she's seeing someone else, let her know you have to cut her loose. First thing's first, though... you need to sit down and talk about all this. Don't mention marriage. Just tell her how you feel and that you think things are falling apart, then ask where she's at. It's perfectly normal for any relationship to sit down and gauge where you're both at. You're killing yourself to support this girl, it sounds like... and if you feel the relationship is one sided... I don't know man but I wouldn't keep throwing money at her to see if she's staying. (That's ME, not advice)

[SECJay]

Well to a shock mate I was packing my car earlier this morning & she text me "what time are you leaving xxx" I replied "I'm now getting the car packed and ready to leave, I take it you're not coming with me?xxx" she said "I'm round the corner please don't go without me I am lost without you and realised last night what I was loosing by being how I was.. I am sorry can you find it in your heart to forgive me"

[Gemini328]

Well to a shock mate I was packing my car earlier this morning & she text me "what time are you leaving xxx" I replied "I'm now getting the car packed and ready to leave, I take it you're not coming with me?xxx" she said "I'm round the corner please don't go without me I am lost without you and realised last night what I was loosing by being how I was.. I am sorry can you find it in your heart to forgive me"

Good to hear man! Glad for ya. Things that are meant to be always find a way to work it out in the end