Hey Ajax there is hope for you. As deep as your suffering is you still make the right moves crissis team or doctor or psychiatrist it shows you haven't given up I think that's great.
I have times when my mind loops past memories and experiences over and over they are almost always negative and tainted and make me feel disgusted with myself and full of self loathing last time I couldn't cope I got help and it worked I got past it now it's like background noise still there but manageable I hope you get the help you need ajax

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