Official Depression And Anxiety Discussion Thread

[pred8or08]

Why if you don't mind me asking

[Ajax1723]

Why if you don't mind me asking

I'll give the shortened version to why I'm feeling like this as the regular version would probably require a 3 credit course to tell. Combining the reasoning behind all of it with finally telling my story in hopes that it helps others open up as well.

Was diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression in 2008 when I was 19 years old, after an ex-girlfriend triggered it for good when she thought it would be funny to tell me that she was pregnant on Christmas Day when in fact she wasnt, which I didn't find out until days later. That, along with some other stressors in my life at that time, led to some therapy and such. Fast forward about 6 years, back in December, I started having worsening anxiety attacks and depressing thoughts. About 3 weeks later, my Girlfriend of 5 years cheated on me and broke up with me, which of course didn't help things. Shortly after, I ended up going out with another girl who was great for me. However, even though I was happy with her, I was still struggling with depression and anxiety. To make matters worse, was having trouble finishing my degree. Ended up joining the clan, but shortly thereafter went MIA because of worsening symptoms. Then, in early May, out of nowhere, my gf tells me she doesn't know if she wants to be in a relationship, even though she was happy, and that she needed a little time to think about it. This completely blindsided me, and made me even worse.

Around that time, I was also getting much worse. On May 13th, (first time I am admitting this in public at this detail) I tried to commit suicide. Obviously, was not successful, and started a partial hospitalization program near me for about 3 weeks that ended in early July. I ended up being strung along by this girl for about 3 and a half months, after which she finally told me we should both move on, even though I had written it off weeks before because of the length of time.

Since about that time, I have had other relationship/personal issues that I would rather not talk about specifically here, and slowly worsening depression symptoms. And now, for the past two weeks or so, have been having increasing bad flashbacks and constant inability to do or watch or go to anything that I went to with my last gf, and also have always had issues going to schools, no matter what they are. These, along with other symptoms, has had my doctor say I probably was triggered by the shock of the event in May, combined with intense bullying when I was in school, and may be finally having symptoms of some degree of PTSD, which can take months or even years for symptoms to develop.

So, over the last 24 hours, symptoms have become close to unmanagable. Had two appointments today where they recommended I go through the partial program again with a chance at going to an inpatient facility during the program. I have to check with my insurance to make sure it is possible, but obviously I'm not doing well. Unmentioned through all of this is a vast number of friendships I've lost from people not wanting to deal with the issue, and most recently, someone from my first stay at the program telling me, and I quote "Just deal with the problems yourself, or kill yourself, pick one". Therefore, it all got to a point, and had a really bad night last night. Having trouble reaching out to the few people I have left as I am constantly worried that they don't want to hear about it, and it is a problem.

This is about as candid I can be about all of this. IMHO, it is embarassing to have these issues, and have had to deal with that for years. However, they are present nonetheless, as the "emotional abuse" as my therapist classifies it, as well as the childhood issues and triggers I've had the past year or so are just making things worse. Really wish I could be better, but having trouble seeing that light at the end of the tunnel.

Hope that wasn't too much for anyone, but can't be any more open than this, and feel in my mind that I'm taking a huge risk here by telling this story.......but I guess I felt the need to tell it somewhere so it's at least known...

[Hobbit]

Having trouble reaching out to the few people I have left as I am constantly worried that they don't want to hear about it, and it is a problem.

This is about as candid I can be about all of this. IMHO, it is embarassing to have these issues, and have had to deal with that for years.

1. Don't hold back. If there are people out there that say they care, and you can tell they actually do, reach out to them.

2. You feel embarrassed because you have a disease you can't do anything about? Come on. Don't be embarrassed. I know it's hard, but those that really care understand that this isn't something you're controlling. Embarrassment has no place here. As soon as you drop that aspect of it, you'll feel a lot better, trust me. I was embarrassed about losing my fucking hair and the bald streak across the top of my head... for a few years. Then, I realized that YOU FUCKING KNOW WHAT? THAT SHIT'S NATURALLY OCCURRING... FUCK OFF. And now I could give two shits who fucking snickers at my bald spot or thin hair. Try your best to drop the embarrassment down a few notches, or altogether, and you'll find this a lot easier to deal with.

Please don't take this as me fussing at you or being harsh... it wasn't meant that way. I'm one of those who care. You know you can talk to me whenever you want.