Official Depression And Anxiety Discussion Thread

[pred8or08]

You to arctik..you can give me a buzz if you want to if you need someone to talk to

[sinniks]

Hey Ajax there is hope for you. As deep as your suffering is you still make the right moves crissis team or doctor or psychiatrist it shows you haven't given up I think that's great.
I have times when my mind loops past memories and experiences over and over they are almost always negative and tainted and make me feel disgusted with myself and full of self loathing last time I couldn't cope I got help and it worked I got past it now it's like background noise still there but manageable I hope you get the help you need ajax

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[Ajax1723]

Thanks all. Have had some major issues past couple days as well. Have tried to contact some of my close friends about it but just too scared that they don't want to hear it, unfortunately the few people that have said that too me recently is just getting harder to ignore.

Starting to get really frustrating, and loneliness has been a problem for me recently too. it's obviously something that's important to me, and it sucks, mostly because of how I got to this point, and the events that happened, which just makes it worse and harder to deal with.

[Lesbehonest]

I do have an update on myself.. In February I was in triple digits with Anxiety, Depression, Family Stress, and Hostility. Last week I was tested again and I was single digits in all but Family Stress due to the fact my family is having a hard time. Its safe to say I will be getting off my medication and learning ways to control my anxiety. I have come a long way from February to September and its great. I want to tell you all that it takes time to find the right person, medication, and venting to finally get better. For some people it could take a long time or short period of time, but either way you have to be patient and positive. At this moment I cannot give my phone number out at this time but feel free to add me on Facebook @ Codi Fletcher.

[Ajax1723]

1. Don't hold back. If there are people out there that say they care, and you can tell they actually do, reach out to them.

2. You feel embarrassed because you have a disease you can't do anything about? Come on. Don't be embarrassed. I know it's hard, but those that really care understand that this isn't something you're controlling. Embarrassment has no place here. As soon as you drop that aspect of it, you'll feel a lot better, trust me. I was embarrassed about losing my fucking hair and the bald streak across the top of my head... for a few years. Then, I realized that YOU FUCKING KNOW WHAT? THAT SHIT'S NATURALLY OCCURRING... FUCK OFF. And now I could give two shits who fucking snickers at my bald spot or thin hair. Try your best to drop the embarrassment down a few notches, or altogether, and you'll find this a lot easier to deal with.

Please don't take this as me fussing at you or being harsh... it wasn't meant that way. I'm one of those who care. You know you can talk to me whenever you want.

Well you touched on the main issue that comes from all of this. It may sound easy, or appear easy, but it isn't. No excuses, no explanation needed. Obviously some stuff has happened the past few weeks to get me deeper into this hole, and you as well as anyone knows what happened with who and everything that went down. That also includes a decent amount of people who came to me and told me that I was talking about it too much, or kept saying the same thing (again, shouldnt need to point out those people.) I've been trying for about 8 months now, unfortunately it's getting worse, not better. Hopefully getting new medicine tomorrow, but with the increased symptoms, and the overwhelming negative response from those I thought I could trust, it complicates things immensely.

I do have an update on myself.. In February I was in triple digits with Anxiety, Depression, Family Stress, and Hostility. Last week I was tested again and I was single digits in all but Family Stress due to the fact my family is having a hard time. Its safe to say I will be getting off my medication and learning ways to control my anxiety. I have come a long way from February to September and its great. I want to tell you all that it takes time to find the right person, medication, and venting to finally get better. For some people it could take a long time or short period of time, but either way you have to be patient and positive. At this moment I cannot give my phone number out at this time but feel free to add me on Facebook @ Codi Fletcher.

Good to see you are doing better, that's what we all strive for. Keep it up. Hope to see you completely beat it and manage it perfectly.

[Hobbit]

Hang in there man. Let me know if there is anything i can do.

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[Ajax1723]

Finally got to the doctor today. He has prescribed me with Wellbutrin, which is a new one with me, as well as switching back to Celexa from them Prozac that I used to be on. Also got a refill of my anxiety meds. Have never taken the new one obviously, so curious as to what to expect. He has me on 150mg for the first week, and 300mg after that. He also recommended that I see a therapist once a week rather than every other week, and that he will look into other places for that since where I am going now doesn't seem to really have anyone that can provide that.

Things have still been very up and down, mostly down. Without going into too much detail, have been very frustrated the past few days/weeks with how some things are being handled and things like that with some people I know.

For the record, I feel like I am generally a nice guy, and a loyal friend at that, which makes these situations that much harder. But when multiple people tell me they are there for me, but then turn around and tell me how I'm taking things wrong or that I'm "spitting in their face", and that maybe I'm playing some sick game (they know who they are). I took great offense to that, and feel that regardless of who I am, I am still a human being. If anyone honestly thinks for even a second that I'm messing around with this just to see what happens, it's wrong. Just because I don't magically feel better immediately doesn't mean nothing is helping, but at the same time, when that doesn't happen, don't accuse me of messing around or whatever or that I'm not taking anyone's help. If it was that easy, it wouldn't be this big of a deal. So I'm apparently in a hole now, where I either don't say enough, or say too much. Makes me feel even more stuck, and frankly, makes me want to close up even more.

Have begun to start closing up as I have said, and only talk to a very select few people now, none of which I know in person, as all the ones I know in person have either stopped responding, or I've felt there's enough evidence that they don't want to hear about it, and considering I never hear back from the majority, I assume that I'm right in at least some capacity. Hoping that changes, but honestly, it feels out of my hands now, cause I have done everything I could to try to stay close to those people, and they seem to not want to deal with it, and I can't make them, nor do I want to. Just luck of the draw I guess. It sucks, but can't do much else...

[Hobbit]

For the record, I feel like I am generally a nice guy, and a loyal friend at that, which makes these situations that much harder. But when multiple people tell me they are there for me, but then turn around and tell me how I'm taking things wrong or that I'm "spitting in their face", and that maybe I'm playing some sick game (they know who they are). I took great offense to that, and feel that regardless of who I am, I am still a human being. If anyone honestly thinks for even a second that I'm messing around with this just to see what happens, it's wrong.

I've personally struggled with minor anxiety and some depression. I know how it can be, but no, I don't know how bad it can feel, personally. I can tell you that there have been a FEW people that I've helped that have either been lying the whole time, doing what they were doing for attention, or just doing it to cause drama. There are people in this world that do that, unfortunately. That said, it takes a lot for me to speak up and say anything to those individuals, as I personally do NOT know what's going on with them. I can take cues from attitude, story telling, etc to put the pieces together. These people make me sick, and make me question whether I should help anyone else. If help is offered and the individual offering help is genuine, listens, actually cares, and legitimately hopes for the best for those he's helping, there is merit for a great human being there. That said, if the individual he's helping constantly snaps at him, blames him for things being worse, or takes things out of context to use as ammunition against the individual helping, then something worse is going on.

I've personally, when calling out some of these individuals, asked them what their motives were, what they wanted from the relationship/counseling, and let them know again how much I do care. You can personally attest to this, AJ. That said, we're all human and we all make mistakes. If someone hurt your feelings, I'm sure they know they did. I'm sure they're sorry and have probably stated so.

Now, I'm glad you got to the doc. I'm glad you got your meds adjusted. Let's hope they do some good for you, no? We're all pulling for you here, bud. Understand that when a dog comes to your side with love and is kicked, he still loves you... he may be wary of getting that close again, but he does still love you.

CAG Hobbit
The player formerly known as Shiv

[Ajax1723]

Update, up in the Poconos for a day* part of me just wants to legit stay up here.......the last few days have been rough but have at least had anxiety meds for the really bad days. Had a surreal moment yesterday though, as I was getting all my different meds to take that day and saw 4 pill bottles in front of me and said to myself, "I'm 26, and already taking pills from 4 different bottles.". Bad feeling wasn't great, but pushed it off.

One thing I do want to touch on is support. I think it's important for me to say that advice and support are two different things. Advice can usually be ideas or thoughts on what to do about a situation, in this particular case, things to try when you're depressed or anxious, or how to tryband get yourself out of that state. However, support is a little different. It can be anything from just asking someone how they are or if theres anything you can help with, too giving them a hug, coming over to hang out, listening and just being there if its realy bad, or just keeping someone company.

Advice is nice, and even if it doesn't seem like it, I do always take it in. It may not work right away, or end up working at all, which is no one's fault, it's the stupid, fucked up disorder that a bunch of us have that makes everyday simple things hard a lot of times. I've gotten literally thousands of pieces of advice from friends, family, therapists, people in support groups, and doctors. Support is the main thing though that I need, and I barely have anyone for that* I think I lost another big piece of it again yesterday when I hardly had any to start with. So today is a sad day for me, and it is honestly starting to condition my mind to think that I'm not supposed to have any support, and to just "see if I make it or not".

Either way, I hope everyone else is rnjoying their holiday weekend, and has some fun.

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[Rednek]

Had a rough day today mainly because of my ocd. It's not the everything in a particular order or washing my hands till they bleed. Mine mainly has to do with death. I'm constantly checking to make sure the doors are locked and the stove is turned off. I also always have to hit my heel against the back of the first step before I can go down the stairs. And for some reason I can't get my own death out of my head. I'm not even sure when I'm suicidal anymore because it seems like I'm constantly picturing my own death. I can't help it. I wish it would stop. I pack my can of dip, or chewing tobacco, until it feels just right, and I'll walk thru a door way until it feel just right. I'm just having a big issue with my family constantly making fun of me for it. I know what I do is irrational but I can't help myself from doing it. I just wish I could make everyone understand what it's like to spend a day in my head.


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