Official Depression And Anxiety Discussion Thread

[Rednek]

I'm on 25mg. I've been on it for about 3 weeks and I haven't had any alcohol in about a month. I'm supposed to go to my doc on Friday to see about it getting changed


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[Lesbehonest]

I'm on 25mg. I've been on it for about 3 weeks and I haven't had any alcohol in about a month. I'm supposed to go to my doc on Friday to see about it getting changed


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Hmm well I hope you get better! It does take a while for zoloft to kick in though.

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[Ajax1723]

Had my worst night and morning ever the past 12 hours or so. Got an emergency appointment with my doctor and a second with a psychiatrist to see if I need to stay somewhere for a while. I honestly never admit this, but I've been crying thinking about it for the past 12 hours now. Just completely can't believe that I'm at this point. Having a load of trouble reaching out to those that say they care, and can't seem to break through what I'm currently dealing with. It's bad right now, really bad.

[pred8or08]

Why if you don't mind me asking

[Ajax1723]

Why if you don't mind me asking

I'll give the shortened version to why I'm feeling like this as the regular version would probably require a 3 credit course to tell. Combining the reasoning behind all of it with finally telling my story in hopes that it helps others open up as well.

Was diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression in 2008 when I was 19 years old, after an ex-girlfriend triggered it for good when she thought it would be funny to tell me that she was pregnant on Christmas Day when in fact she wasnt, which I didn't find out until days later. That, along with some other stressors in my life at that time, led to some therapy and such. Fast forward about 6 years, back in December, I started having worsening anxiety attacks and depressing thoughts. About 3 weeks later, my Girlfriend of 5 years cheated on me and broke up with me, which of course didn't help things. Shortly after, I ended up going out with another girl who was great for me. However, even though I was happy with her, I was still struggling with depression and anxiety. To make matters worse, was having trouble finishing my degree. Ended up joining the clan, but shortly thereafter went MIA because of worsening symptoms. Then, in early May, out of nowhere, my gf tells me she doesn't know if she wants to be in a relationship, even though she was happy, and that she needed a little time to think about it. This completely blindsided me, and made me even worse.

Around that time, I was also getting much worse. On May 13th, (first time I am admitting this in public at this detail) I tried to commit suicide. Obviously, was not successful, and started a partial hospitalization program near me for about 3 weeks that ended in early July. I ended up being strung along by this girl for about 3 and a half months, after which she finally told me we should both move on, even though I had written it off weeks before because of the length of time.

Since about that time, I have had other relationship/personal issues that I would rather not talk about specifically here, and slowly worsening depression symptoms. And now, for the past two weeks or so, have been having increasing bad flashbacks and constant inability to do or watch or go to anything that I went to with my last gf, and also have always had issues going to schools, no matter what they are. These, along with other symptoms, has had my doctor say I probably was triggered by the shock of the event in May, combined with intense bullying when I was in school, and may be finally having symptoms of some degree of PTSD, which can take months or even years for symptoms to develop.

So, over the last 24 hours, symptoms have become close to unmanagable. Had two appointments today where they recommended I go through the partial program again with a chance at going to an inpatient facility during the program. I have to check with my insurance to make sure it is possible, but obviously I'm not doing well. Unmentioned through all of this is a vast number of friendships I've lost from people not wanting to deal with the issue, and most recently, someone from my first stay at the program telling me, and I quote "Just deal with the problems yourself, or kill yourself, pick one". Therefore, it all got to a point, and had a really bad night last night. Having trouble reaching out to the few people I have left as I am constantly worried that they don't want to hear about it, and it is a problem.

This is about as candid I can be about all of this. IMHO, it is embarassing to have these issues, and have had to deal with that for years. However, they are present nonetheless, as the "emotional abuse" as my therapist classifies it, as well as the childhood issues and triggers I've had the past year or so are just making things worse. Really wish I could be better, but having trouble seeing that light at the end of the tunnel.

Hope that wasn't too much for anyone, but can't be any more open than this, and feel in my mind that I'm taking a huge risk here by telling this story.......but I guess I felt the need to tell it somewhere so it's at least known...

[pred8or08]

I'm not judging ..wasn't expecting that ..sucks I'm sure .. Do you need me to beat someone down for ya brah...if you need someone to talk to hit me up 2068664622.. Just if you need to get something off your chest or just want to bullshit.. Anytime of the day

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[ARCTIK KLuTCH]

Tough thing to deal with, but actually a good step to be able to share it Ajax. Even though it may seem like you exposed yourself, it is actually a brave thing to have shared that with everyone. I won't lie and say I've been in your shoes, because I haven't. I have Severe PTSD with Severe Depression and Anxiety. I've never thought about suicide more than anyone else has, but I do think about snuffing other people's candles. If it weren't for my son.....I'd have taken my ticket to Iraq a year ago. You're stronger than you think. I am sorry you feel embarrassed about it but that is common....especially in the Army Infantry, it carries a Stigma with it but it is becoming more respected everyday as serious and to be taken as such. I am not embarrassed anymore, but I do live with what they call "Survivor's Remorse"....I feel guilty about being here while my friends never came back stateside alive and soldiers of mine that are alive but are paralyzed from the waist down or can't use their arm from gunshot wounds. Things I couldn't have prevented but play through my mind and takes me into the "what if" realm. It used to consume me for nights, weeks, and I drank myself into a heavy dose of oblivion. It was a dark road, but I quit drinking and know when I get depressed and down I fight it instead of falling victim or running away. I face it and it doesn't just disappear but I make myself get up and shower (feels like a rebirth after for me most times because it will be 3-4 days since the last shower), ewwww gross I know. But that is me, that is my life, and it was rock bottom. I haven't surfaced yet, I don't know if I ever will.....but I'm off the bottom floating towards the top and every time the darkness grabs me and pulls me back towards that rocky bottom it pulls a little less each time because I KNOW it is up to ME if I SINK or SWIM. I wish you the best, and I'm here for ANYONE who needs to vent, talk/type/text, or those seeking advice.

[pred8or08]

You to arctik..you can give me a buzz if you want to if you need someone to talk to

[pred8or08]

Not a great listener but... Whatever

[sinniks]

Hey Ajax there is hope for you. As deep as your suffering is you still make the right moves crissis team or doctor or psychiatrist it shows you haven't given up I think that's great.
I have times when my mind loops past memories and experiences over and over they are almost always negative and tainted and make me feel disgusted with myself and full of self loathing last time I couldn't cope I got help and it worked I got past it now it's like background noise still there but manageable I hope you get the help you need ajax

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