Soo About That.

[istalkmonkeys]

In private beer party, one kid was disturbing group by asking all silly questions. Everyone wss getting annoyed. One mexican from group told others - Dont worry. I will manage him.
He took him in one corner for 5 minutes, later on kid didn't bothered them at all infact he didn't came out of room.
Everyone asked mexican how he managed.
Mexican said- not to worry. He won't disturb us now.
I taught him, how to do mastrubation.

[istalkmonkeys]

Anant called home one afternoon to see what his wife was making for dinner.
"Hello?" said a little girl's voice.
"Hi, honey, it's Daddy," said Anant. "Is mommy near the phone?"
"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with uncle Frank." After a brief pause, Anant said, "But you don't have an Uncle Frank, honey!"
"Yes I do. He's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!"
"Okay, then. Here's what I want you to do. Put down the phone, run upstairs, knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle Frank that my car just pulled up outside the house."
"Okay, Daddy!"
A few minutes later, the little girl came back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy."
"And what happened?"
"Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and now she's all dead."
"Oh my god! What about Uncle Frank?"
"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool, but he must have forgot that you took out all the water last week to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool, and now he's dead too."
There was a long pause, then Anant said, "Swimming pool? Is this 555-7039?"

[istalkmonkeys]

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant.
While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no.
Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it.

[istalkmonkeys]

There was a Swedish, Danish and a Norwegain lost in the desert. They eventually found an oasis with a diving board. By that oasis, there was a genie. The genie said that they get to wish what's going to be in the oasis while jumping off of the diving board.

The Norwegian went first. He jumped and said: "Money!", and landed in a pile of money.

The Danish went second. He jumped and said: "Beer!", and landed in a pool of beer.

The Swedish went last. He was going to act cool, but slipped and yelled: "OH SHIT!"
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[istalkmonkeys]

In the mall there were 3 robbers who was being chased by a police. The three robbers found a 3 sacks ,now each of them have a sack, they hid inside the sack and then later the police walks by and saw the 3 sacks,the police kicked the first sack
the guy in the 1st sack said "woff,woff" the police said Oh! its only a dog,then he kicked the 2nd bag and the 2nd guy said "meow,meow" then the police said Oh! its only a cat,and then finaly the police kicked the 3rd sack and nothing happens he kicked it again and still nothing happens he kicked it for the last time and finally the 3rd guy in the sack said "Fuck You" I'm a potato i'm not suppose to speak.....