Battlefield 3 - CAG recruitment drive

[NakedAssassin]

Okay I've had a great idea, inspired by the bunting that recently bequeathed my homeland. And noticing the lack of other Battlefield 3 players in my timezone, as currently it is generally Puggy, Vern, and myself defending the far stretched lands of the battlefield during GMT hours...

So, I have thought about this long and hard. Unfortunately my plans of rallying the troops by packing a Land Rover with trestle tables and bunting, and driving out to the caspian sea to decorate the Abrams tanks with CAG insignias, and set up a small fair at one of the flags. Which may feature such popular games as 'Dunk the Deathvern', and 'Puggy's plate smashing', or perhaps 'Get naked with Naked' for the more adventurous punters, as well as more common place recruitment efforts such as a TOW missile shooting range, and a two hour ongoing tactics and strategy lesson by popular self credited YouTubers (Soapbox's available on request). Sadly however, once I woke up I realised the practicality of this may not be do-able, as I may need to write to Dice and ask them to code all this into the game for me...

So Plan B.

I propose that Puggy, Deathvern, and myself, will drive around the UK inspiring subjects with out war stories, and displaying our many medals and honours to crowds of deserving people. For out first tour, I suggest we go easy and visit places where we know the crowds will listen, hang on our every word and gasp in awe of Vern's joystick skills. Therefore, taking this criteria into consideration, I suggest our first 'Tour of Duty' shall take place in the many Strip clubs of the UK. In order to do this, we will require a special 'Beer allowance fund' from the Clan, and possible a special order of £1 notes from Scotland (To be provided via Puggy).

I will appreciate any feedback on this motion, it is a service I am willing to offer, no need for thanks, I am happy to serve my Clan in this manor, and hope the others will support this idea as strongly as I do.

Thank you for listening.

[CAG CheechDogg]

The CAG Clan would gladly fund your "beer" allowance for this recruitment drive, under a few conditions though. These conditions have to be met in a timely manner and no ands, ifs, or buts!

1. Death must be sodomized by 13 bulls and have his asscheeks branded with the CAG brand.
2. Puggy must be cream pied by the 13 bulls that sodomized Death and also get branded with the CAG brand.
3. Naked must be deep throated by the 13 bulls after they sodomize and cream pie Puggy and also get branded with the CAG brand.
4. Death, puggy and Naked must then perform fellatio on each other on top of an oval rock.
5. Once they perform fellatio on each other , they must all run around naked holding hands screaming " WE ARE PART OF THE CAG CLAN, WE ARE WHAT YOU SEE! "

If the aforementioned conditions are agreed on by death, puggy and naked the CAG Clan Treasurer will handle your xpenses!

[Sprite T1]

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

[NakedAssassin]

If that is the case then we will definitely require a pack of smokes per cow per person. Also, will you accept proof in the form of sculptures? I have a friend who wants to come along to immortalise our efforts in stone you see.

[CAG CheechDogg]

Yes yes! Make sure this is all sculptured so we can have proof and "Momentos" for ever...make sure they are made out of the bulls turds, I hear they hardened quite well!

[NakedAssassin]

Did I mention the sculptor was blind? He feels his way around the subjects then encodes it in brail you see, although I will see if he has ever used cow pat as a medium. Because of this is can sometimes take a while, Vern will have to understand that he will have to stay very still during the process.

[CAG CheechDogg]

Yes so true and I doubt he will be able to contain himself when the man is touching him! bahahha

[Ricke80]

Wicked plan Naked. Tell me when the tour is coming to Sweden and Ill help you set it up.